"The Christmas Gift" by Darrell Kirk

It was Christmas Eve of 1979. I sit there at the kitchen counter with my girlfriend, her parents, brother and sister. Everyone was excited, especially for me, the poor boy who wanted so much, but had so little. They all knew what I wanted for Christmas that year-one of the new calculator watches from Casio! It’s all I talked about and I had given every hint in the world that I wanted one. As we finished dinner, and started to open gifts, mine, the most important was held for last.

As my girlfriend, opened her gift, a “Space Invaders” type handheld digital game I got at Sears, I spied a box about the size of a “Casio” watch box under the tree. I knew the exact dimensions of that box as I had spent months looking at it at the local K-Mart thru the glass display counter. My heart skipped a beat as I knew my dreams had been answered. I was about to burst, waiting for my turn to open my gift as my girlfriend’s mother opened her gift from me-a solid brass candle holder that weighed over 5 pounds that I had made in machine shop class. Amid all of this, a well-dressed drunk man walks in the front door announcing his arrival. Adding to my anticipation for my turn to open my gift, we realize the man is at the wrong house as we direct him to the neighbor’s house next door. Finally, it’s my turn.

I have always been a gadget guy, and still am today. Gadgets really seem to fill a need in me. Lack of love, family, and home really hurt and gadgets helped to pass the time. Of all the gadgets I had ever had, or wanted, a calculator watch was the one I coveted the most! I can’t remember how many times I had visited K-Mart, or Radio Shack to stare at that watch. I also remember the things I would do with that watch once I had obtained it.

My girlfriend’s father, a husky, kind “Millwright” from the Indiana Steel mills, announced that it was my turn to open gifts as he ceremoniously picked up the small box from under the Christmas tree. He then walked over to where I was sitting at the kitchen counter bar and sat down beside me. The excitement in the air was electric as my girlfriend’s family looked on. I was a bit embarrassed with all the attention, but didn’t mind as I knew I would soon have the object of my dreams. Not only did I have to wait such a long time for my gift, but as I exposed the box from it’s wrapping paper my girlfriend’s father gently took the box from me so as emphasize the importance of the gift. I’m taken a little from his action, however am quickly relieved as I read the words, CASIO from the top of the box. As he opened the box to expose the watch, all the excitement I had ever had for that watch had now shifted from me to all the members of the family. Little did I know at that time that this watch was much more than a calculator watch, it was much more and all the family knew it.

Again, we are talking about the very beginning of the 1980’s here. Bad music, bad hair, bell-bottoms, tank tops, etc. If you don’t know what I’m talking about here then watch a couple of movies from the time. Here’s a few suggestions: “Grease”, “Saturday Night Fever”, any movie with Christy Mc Nickel. But, most of all bad music. Especially all the show tune type skits that were a part of most of the movies back then. I make this point about music as it had major consequences with the watch I was about to receive.
My girlfriend’s dad took the watch from its box and exposed its face to me-a beautiful watch, gold band, gold face, digital, much more than the plain calculator watch with plastic band that I had wanted. I thought that this must be a very special calculator watch as it did not have a keypad from which one could enter calculations. I began to imagine how one entered digits into the unit-perhaps the keypad was controlled by the four buttons on each corner of the square body, or maybe the keypad was under the face on the watch on a hinge. Before I could continue my pondering the room fell very quiet as my girlfriend’s father looked at me holding the watch in a strange position with fingers simultaneously placed on 3 of the 4 buttons. He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then said “Watch this” Then he depressed two of the buttons simultaneously and everyone delighted as the small little watch played a tune: (played to the tune of “The Little Girl Who Lived Down The Lane”) de da de da de da da da da de da de da de da…….. My god I thought, what a bunch of sick people. Not only did I not get the watch I had talked about for so many months, I had received an asinine watch that made a mockery of good technology! Had I not grown up in a family that hid its feeling, I might have asked “why this and not a calculator watch?” But, instead, like many others receiving bad gifts, I too remarked at how great the watch was. “Oh wow, I can use this watch to wake up to school with!” “Man wait till the guys see this!” All the while, however, all I could really think to myself was: “man, what a piece of shit!”

Needless to say, I never used the watch to wake up to school with-I hated school, and the last thing I needed was some dumb ass watch to announce when to wake up for it. I never really told anyone about the watch, especially “the guys”. I do remember using the watch for one purpose-to cause trouble. I was a troublemaker in school before the watch and now with my bitterness was even more so. I would always set-off the watch in study hall or other class of size. Its stupid high pitch was omni directional and hard to locate by the teacher. It really did have a purpose after all and introduced me to the world of high-tech annoyances. When I wasn’t in school causing a disturbance with the watch, I would be at home in the attic blocking “CB Radio” transmissions with it’s extremely high pitch audio. I would hold the watch in one hand and the CB microphone in the other as my fingers went into an east Indian yoga position to push all the buttons at once to get the watch to play and the CB microphone to transmit. After a 10 second transmission of that annoying little song I would sit silent in the attic for my reward: “hey asshole, pffft” “I know where you are , pffft”. “yeah, and I’m gonna put a needle in your coax”, pffft. Still others would be more scientific in their replies: “hey Bill, did you get that guy’s location?pffft.” “well, I’m getting about a 4 out of him on my meter, so he’s around here somewhere, pffft.” Why I did such things with that watch, I’ll never know.

In later years, however, that watch seemed to mean a lot to me. I remember seeing it a couple of years ago in my garage. It still worked! Receiving that watch meant a lot to me. I had wanted nothing more than a simple calculator watch, and instead received something so different, so stupid. I really felt out of control when receiving it and I think it really made me strive in later years to improve my lot in life. I wanted things and at that point knew I could count on no one but myself to get them. I now have all the stuff I’ve ever wanted, well except for maybe a Range Rover, and hate to think about asking anyone for it. Who knows what I might receive….a Volkswagen Beetle?